Requiem for a friend
by WriterKos
Summary: A death of a marine unveils a huge secret a member of team would have preferred to keep hidden from curious eyes. Now Gibbs has to man up and be up to the task of helping to collect the pieces left behind the storm. Set in season 2, with our darling Agent Todd in the team.
1. Learning how to bend

_**Title: Requiem for a friend**_  
_**Rating: FR18**_  
_**Parings: none**_  
_**Characters: McGee, Gibbs, the team.**_  
_**Genres: Character Study, Drama,**_  
_**Warnings: Death of original character/huge drama queen**_  
_**Summary: A death of a marine unveils a huge secret a member of team would have preferred to keep hidden from curious eyes. Now Gibbs has to man up and be up to the task of helping to collect the pieces left behind the storm. Set in season 2, with our darling Agent Todd in the team.**_

Written for the SESA 2012 for ChannelD (Pam)

A/N: NFA community forums lost a dear friend and admin this year. Pam was a constant figure in the site and a good chap. I truly appreciated her wit and her stories and picking her up as a SESA 2012 was as a delightful pleasure which soon became a challenge when she passed away.

Here is ChannelD's request. I've adapted it, but … well. I hope she likes it, wherever she is.

Name: channeld (Pam)  
Spoilers or Season Setting: See the prompt notes.  
Gen, Het, Slash, Mixed: Prefer gen; if need be I'll take het  
Pairings: (If you picked het, slash or mixed, what are your favorite pairings?) McAbby  
Must Haves: Tim! Anyone else is secondary but welcome.  
Don't Wants: No OC lovers.  
Request or Prompt: (If any, or multiple if you choose) I'd like to see the Tim of old, when he was still an unsure rookie. Yes, a story set somewhere in seasons 1-3. Prompt: Tim had some failures in his early seasons on the show. Write me a story of an action he took as an agent at the time that…unlike in Probie or Witness…turned out right. It might have been a life he saved, a case he cracked, or an intricate problem he solved…even if it turns out he didn't get much (if any) recognition for it. He's not very sure of himself at this time, and wrapping it up isn't easy. How does he handle it? You can have his team find out, or have Tim keep it to himself. In any event, it's a chance for him to grow…if he takes the right steps.  
A holiday (Christmas, New Year's, or Thanksgiving) setting would be nice, but is not required.  
Rating Cap: (If any – please indicate if you are under 18!) FR18 at the most

**_Chapter 1: Learning how to bend_**

I once heard a story. I don't remember when or who told me it, but it struck a chord and it was kept forever hidden in the dark corners of my mind, appearing in moments of weakness and doubt.

There was a tree in middle of the woods which had absolutely no leaves beneath it. Despite the wind, the weather, the autumn that colored the woods in copper, yellow and red tones, that specific tree for some strange reason did not accumulate leaves like its peers, standing proud and with its bare trunk stretching towards the sky and with its roots firmly planted in the ground.

A wise man once walked through the woods and noticed the bizarre situation, so he sat down a couple of feet away and observed it in order to figure out the reason why that specific tree was the only one without decaying leaves at its feet.

Finally the wind came, strong and bold, wiping the trees of its leaves and making a whirlwind between the trunks. The wise man was surprised to notice that that specific tree did not break under the pressure like its peers, its trunk crackling and splintering, its branches flying away under the strength of nature.

That specific tree bended like a string, its branches nearly touching the ground, its few leaves fanning the earth and brushing away the dead twigs and leaves until none was left at is feet.

Bending, not breaking. That's the secret.

Once the ravishing winds were over, it would spring back to its original position, like it never happened.

So the wise man smiled and understood the wisdom nature was trying to teach him. It is better to bend and be malleable to disagreeable times in our lives. It's so easy to break and crack under the pressure of our pain and despair of losses that strike us unexpectedly, suddenly and inevitably.

Bending is better. But no one has ever told me how difficult it would be.

NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS

Cold.

Cold was all around him and yet he could barely felt it.

Snowflakes floated and swirled in the wind surrounding the lonely figure standing in the cemetery, his head down, chin supported on his chest, shoulders hunched as if he was trying to hide inside of himself, effectively disguising his real size from the world to see.

No words escape his lips as his eyes stared at the simple white washed stone slab which marked the final resting place of a poor soul stolen in the brink of its life. Words had been said, curses and cries of pain and despair uttered a long time ago, but that particular well had emptied several years back.

In its place, only a void which would never be filled again, an eternal companion of that lonely man standing by himself in the cemetery. The gray skies did not help to improve his mood, as if the low hanging stratocumulus stratiformis were there just to increase the feeling of despair and loneliness which permeated his very being.

Yet he stood, unwilling to leave and let more years go by unchecked. The years had been kind to him. He had grown up, filled out, found a job, had friends and colleagues who cared for him and for whom he also cared.

Yet time hadn't been able to heal the soaring pain in his chest, hidden from the eyes of his family, friends and colleagues.

For them, he had moved on, the past long forgotten where it should be.

Yet he knew that he was just one step away from the brink of the abyss. Just one step.

And the final push had finally happened.


	2. Dead Marine

Chapter 2: Dead Marine

It was normal day at the bullpen when Timothy McGee came to work that morning. He arrived early to run his usual diagnostics of his computer system, while he sipped his coffee and grinned at the casual banter between Kate and Tony, the later commenting about this Doctor Who episode he had watched just last night. Kate rolled her eyes at Tony just half listening to him, grinned at McGee and saluted him with a nod before sitting down and booting her own computer.

Tony's mouth kept moving, but between McGee and Kate he did not find a captive audience. His excited chattering ended abruptly with Gibbs' arrival and a well placed slap on the back of his head, making him jump in his seat as their boss strolled in firm steps to his own desk.

"Gear up, dead marine."

Grabbing their own backpacks with gear, each agent filled a line and followed their leader out of the bullpen, exchanging friendly barbs here and there.

It was a fine morning and nothing could change that.

NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS

The case seemed quite straightforward. They arrived at the crime scene where a Lexus had crashed against a tree, its driver leaning against the wheel obviously dead. Gibbs ordered a search of the perimeter, as the heavy snow which had fallen early in the morning could have corroborated with the accident, but there was no indication of that being the case. Despite the snow accumulated on the sidewalks, the road had been cleared and salted before the Lexus lost its direction and zigzagged towards the old fir.

According to witnesses' accounts, the man had been alone and apparently unconscious when he lost control of his Lexus and dead once he finally hit the tree.

They busied themselves as little bees doing their assigned jobs, while Ducky and Jimmy arrived and did the usual exams in the body. The car door was opened, thanks to a Good Samaritan who walked by and decided to contaminate the crime scene touching the neck of the driver looking for a pulse.

He almost pissed in his pants when he found none.

Gesticulating and shivering, he described what he'd seen in exaggerated mimes to Kate, who was nodding here and there and scribbling notes. McGee as always was on photo duty, carefully documenting the car and the scene with his Canon AOS. He stepped out of the way so Ducky could start the initial exam, walking to the other side of the car to check the contents of the glove box.

"What's the COD, doc?" Gibbs asked, his black coffee releasing steam in the cold air.

"It's early to tell, Jethro." Ducky gently touches the head of the stiff, turning it aside "There are initially no entry or exit wounds, no scratches as far as I can see and the rigor mortis hasn't settled in. I would guess that, due to the elements involved, the sudden loss of conscience and the lack of visible marks it's some kind of unknown malaise. Possibly a heart attack."

"A heart attack?" Gibbs frowned, looking at the corpse. "That guy can't be over thirty."

"I know, my dear friend." Ducky stood up took his gloves off, signaling to Jimmy to take over and remove the body from the car. "That's why I need to investigate this further. This man is surprisingly fit and healthy for a dead man. There is absolutely no visible cause for his passing."

Gibbs took a deep breath and unconsciously squeezed harder his coffee cup, feeling a tension headache lingering behind his eyes.

"Dig deeper, Ducks. Once you have the autopsy done just let me know what you find."

"Sure." He then turned and started to help his disgruntled assistant to close the body bag over the dead man.

Gibbs looked up and found McGee frowning at the contents of the glove box, staring at the receipts he had uncovered in there.

"Anything worth a look in there, McGee?"

The young agent startled, looking at Gibbs with bright green eyes still glassy from whatever land he had been. Finally he met Gibbs' gaze and started talking, in an excited hurry.

"Apparently Sergeant Collins was a Starbucks aficionado. I've found fifteen receipts of coffee shops, each from a different Starbucks. And he ordered the exact same thing in every single one of them."

"Really?" Gibbs sat on the driver's seat, trying to gauge the mindset of the dead marine. He started touching the panel with his gloved hand. "What did he order?"

"A Grande Macchiato with Caramel Syrup."

"Did the coffee kill him?" Gibbs asked throwing an amused glance to his green eyed agent, who opened his mouth like a fish.

Gibbs could almost see the wheels turning in his agent's mind, trying to find an appropriate answer and finding… none.

"I don't think so." He finally answered very slowly, afraid of a reprimand.

"Then dig deeper." Gibbs started sliding his hand under the wheel looking for anything that might have caused the accident. "I don't wanna know how he took his coffee. I wanna know why he's dead despite being in perfect health."

"Okay… I'll keep looking." McGee bit his lower lip, going back to the tedious work of tagging and bagging the things the glove box.

Gibbs tried to hold a sigh as he glanced at the focused way his junior agent worked. Young, fresh between the ears and painfully shy, Timothy McGee had been a recent addition to the team that desperately needed someone tech savy. Meeting him during a case in Norfolk had been a chance meeting; sweet talking the Director that the young man was fit to be part of the MCRT, that's all on Gibbs's doing and it had been a strike of genius to snag him before he was found by any other team leader.

Thinking about that, Gibbs frowned a little as he recalled that McGee had actually requested the assignment in Norfolk, despite it being way beneath his abilities and potential. The kid was way overqualified to be a paper pusher in a dusty bin in a crumbling naval office, so upon meeting him and seeing what that kid could do with computers, it was just a matter of time until Gibbs had the kid under his tutelage.

Now if Gibbs could only mold the kid into his standards and help him get over his shyness…

"I think I've found something here." McGee said as he unfolded a piece of paper, showing its contents to Gibbs.

The older man stared at the slip of paper, giving a small nod to the younger one before grabbing the paper in the evidence bag.

"It's a phone number. New York area code."

"That's a start."


	3. Investigation

**_Chapter 3: Investigation_**

Winter had been merciless.

The weather had taken a downturn two weeks before and gray skies had been an ever present fixture until next week when Thanksgiving was promised to happen under a heavy blanked of snow. McGee waited for his sweetened coffee to cool off enough for a sip as he watched the heavy clouds bringing cold and snow to DC through the big windows of the bullpen. His search engine was working steadfastly gathering data on the dead marine, while Tony and Kate were collating information talking with former colleagues of the decease.

He allowed a little smile to play on his lips as he let his mind wander, the buzz and fuzz of the bullpen and its busy bee workers just a background for the pingpong of data rolling before his mind's eye. He reviewed the crime scene, the position of the corpse and the condition the car was found, finding nothing that screamed foul play.

Yet still, the death of any marine was due to be investigated until they were absolutely sure that it was suicide, not a murder. Only then they would put the case to rest and release the body for the family.

The thought of family brought a small frown to McGee's forehead, as his initial background check of the marine officer popped a name that brought a chill to his spine. Of course there were several people in the country with that exact same name as it was quite common one but the mere sight of it brought a fresh shiver to the younger man.

He tried to take another sip of his coffee but he found his cup empty, so he threw it away with a sigh before going back to his desk to check the latest results of his search queries.

Gibbs chose that moment to enter the bullpen followed by Abby, who was talking rapidly and moving her hands in the air, trying to keep up with Gibb's longer strides despite her high – very high – heels.

".. but Gibbs, I'm telling you, there are just two sets of fingerprints in the car. One belonging to Lieutenant William Collins, our stiff in Ducky's table, and the other to a woman named Christine Mills, according to her California DMV id."

Gibbs sat on his desk, his gaze touching each of his team members before landing again on Abby.

"Who is she?"

"According to his pals in the fifth regiment," Tony said, glancing at his boss as he put down the phone, "… she's his fiancée. She is a lawyer in California and they've kept a long distance relationship for the last two years. They were scheduled to get married next spring."

"Any chance she did it?"

"Ahh…" McGee muttered, gathering all attention onto him. "It would be physically impossible, boss."

Gibbs squinted at the younger man, his face serious. "Why?"

"Because she's currently on board of the American Airlines flight 76 according to its passenger manifesto." He looked down to his screen, reading the info displayed there. "She departed at 9 am from LAX airport and she's due to land in Dulles…" he glanced to his clock. "… three hours. And it's physically impossible to be in two places at the same time."

"Unless she planned it. Todd, McGee, go collect her at the airport. I want you to be the first faces she sees when she comes out the gates."

Both agents stood, gathered their gun, badges and prepared to leave the bullpen while Gibbs kept giving his orders.

"Tony, were you able to speak to his commanding officer?"

A nod was his answer. "He will be here in thirty minutes."

"Good, call me when he arrives. We'll talk to him together." He stood up and gestured to Abby to follow him. "I'll be downstairs talking with Ducky."

NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS

Gibbs strode into the autopsy and observed Ducky and Jimmy silently sewing the dead man back together, after checking the internal organs.

"Are you done here, Duck?"

"Ah Jethro, please come in." Ducky turned to Jimmy, "Please, my lad, put this brave young man to rest, will ya?"

After receiving a nod from Jimmy, Ducky went to the small sink on the corner to wash the gore and blood from his gloved hands at the same time he spoke to Jethro.

"Do you have a COD?"

"No."

"No?"

"This young man has no entry wounds, no injection marks, no corrosion on his stomach or inflammation in his tendons or muscles. I've already sent some samples of his last meal to Abby, as well as the enzymes found in his urine and waste ducts, but I don't see anything that might have probably caused his sudden death." Ducky walked towards the several specimen jars were the internal organs were organized and labeled. "His lungs are clear, no sign of use of drugs, either the illicit or the recreational kind. There are the very first signs of fatty liver disease, but that may be directly connected with his more than recreational drinking than foul play." Ducky stopped to study the heart in a jar, taking it delicately in his hands. "His heart seems to be normal, albeit slighter larger than what I would expect to find in a man in his size and age. But anyway, I've sent a cell sample for further studies."

"No poison, no bullets…" Gibbs sighed loudly, looking towards the marine being carefully sewed shut by Jimmy. "… no smoking gun."

"No gun at all, I hate to admit that his condition baffles me a little as there's no reason for him to be … dead. It's almost like his heart simply stopped."

Gibbs nodded, starting to march towards the exit doors. "Keep digging, Ducky."

"I will my friend."

Ducky waved half-heartedly to Gibbs, before going towards the metallic table and joining Jimmy in the tedious task of closing the gashes. And while they made each careful surgical stitches, the internal organs floated silently inside the preserving liquid before being sent to analysis.


	4. A face from the past

**_Chapter 4: A face from the past_**

Kate and McGee were standing in the access ramp which led towards the gates in Dulles. The flight of the marine's fiancé had landed ten minutes before, so at any moment now she would come walking down towards them. Kate burrowed her hands in her pockets,still feeling the bitter cold of November despite the barely heated interior area of the airport.

She looked down at the picture of Ms. Mills, her blonde hair floating around a fine boned face crowned with deep blue eyes which were staring seriously out of the DMV id they had been able to find.

"I wonder if she has any inkling of what has happened." McGee muttered softly, his sad eyes surveying the people walking in hurried steps by them dragging their luggage towards their loved ones or simply to those who were waiting for them with signs with their names, all rushing, none really looking to their sides to acknowledge the others.

Kate looked up and saw a brief glimpse of sadness on his face before he was just his normal soft looking puppy face. "I don't think she knows. He was alive when she boarded the plane so probably she is expecting to find him here, not us, waiting for her."

"Yeah…" He frowned, noticing a familiar blonde head surfacing in the sea of travelers. "it will be the shock of her life."

Something in his tone made Kate look up at him, finding him hardening his gaze and gulping nervously as he dried his sweaty hands on his trousers. "McGee, are you okay?"

"Here she comes." He said without taking his gaze from the blondie walking down the ramp. She appeared to be texting on her Blackberry, dragging a small suitcase behind herself and juggling her phone, coat and a couple of magazines in her hands at the same time. Kate took her time to study the young woman, guessing she was in her mid twenties, clearly a successful young professional by the cut of her clothes and for the quality of her shoes, which Kate would bet a month of her salary were designer made.

Ms. Mills chose that moment to look up and around, trying to find someone in the sea of faces in the airport. Her gaze glazed over them for a brief moment, going away for a second before zeroing again on them. Kate frowned as she saw the stranger who was their person of interest frown, before opening her mouth in a shocked o at the same time that her slack hands let the magazines and coat fall to the floor.

She _recognized_ them.

Kate frowned surprised and glanced up at McGee, who was breathing deeply but his gaze did not waver from Ms. Mills. After gulping loudly, he started to walk towards her, his sure steps bringing a chill to Kate's heart as an idea flourished untainted in her head.

_Oh my gosh, he's met her before._

Ms. Mills ignored her things on the floor as McGee finally stood before her, his eyes searching her face and finding her just like his last memory of her, so many years ago. Kate watched in shocked silence at the severe display of emotion showing in both of their faces.

"Hi, Chris." He said softly, not willing to startle her.

"Timmy, what are you doing here?" She was obviously surprised, her blue eyes fixed in shock as she stared at him flabbergasted.

McGee fidgeted a little on his feet, before lowering to the floor to collect her things and reverently give them back to you.

"Chris, we need to talk."


	5. Who's that girl?

**_Chapter 5: Who's that girl?_**

Both Tony and Kate huddle together to watch McGee gently guiding Ms. Mills to one of the conference rooms. That's how Gibbs found them five minutes later, as they chattered as little children planning to take over the world. The old marine glared at them who scattered to their own desks, each sitting ramrod straight but bubbling with energy, willing to share the news as fast as possible.

Gibbs rolled his eyes and sighed. "What?"

"McGee knows the widow. The woman… the…" Tony got confused as he tried to figure out the proper name to call Ms. Mills, but he failed so he looked desperate to Kate who came into his rescue again.

"McGee has met Ms. Mills before."

"How?" Gibbs enquired, seeing Kate shrug in response.

"Apparently they've met while at high school, more than ten years ago." Kate saw Gibbs' eyebrow going up, but after seeing the interaction between the young agent and the grieving woman, she tried to downplay the situation. "Apparently they were … friends… back them, but they haven't seen each other for years."

"And he didn't deem it important enough to warn me he knows the fiancée of the victim?" Gibbs was almost growling, glaring in the direction he knew the conference rooms were.

"Apparently their separation was not amicable. Blood was spilt. They were seriously miffed to see each other again and she can barely look at his face without growling." Tony said, a small teasing smile appearing on his face. "He apparently pissed her off greatly before disappearing from her life. _Bad Timmy."_

"Tony!" Kate hissed at him, who just shrugged, not afraid of her wrath.

"I'm telling the truth."

Gibbs let both agents hissing and biting at each other and walked down the corridor, wanting to take over the interrogation while they still had an investigation. He stopped at the door of the conference, watching McGee gently talking to a blonde woman who was crying softly, her hurt gaze on him as she whispered something that Gibbs couldn't hear.

The conversation halted when she noticed Gibbs at the door. McGee released her hand which he was gently holding, stood up and approached his boss, not before sending an apologetic glance towards her. He gestured to Gibbs so both left the conference room, shutting the door slowly and leaving a sepulchral silence in the corridor.

Gibbs stared McGee who bit his lower lip before sighing deeply and stared with clear green eyes at the older man, his gaze clear and firm, not backing down under the marine's scrutiny.

"Wanna tell me what's going on, McGee?"

"Ah…" McGee glanced towards the door, as if he could see the woman through the wood. "I've met her in high school, Boss. I wasn't sure if it was the same person when I first saw the picture – she has a different name now - but… ah… it was a long time ago. It doesn't mean anything anymore."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow, noticing the sadness heavy like a cloak weighting down the younger man's shoulders.

"You sure?"

"Yes, Boss."

"Have you told her yet?"

"Yeah. She…. Didn't take it well." McGee said softly, completing in a whisper. "As always."

"What do you mean by that?"

McGee bit his lower lip, lowering his gaze to the floor and refusing to answer.

"McGeeeee?"

The younger agent casted green chagrinned eyes towards Gibbs. "She hates changes. And surprises. Always have. Always will."


	6. McGee solves the case

_**Chapter 5: McGee solves the case**_

While Gibbs spoke to Ms. Mills, McGee came back to his own desk in the bullpen and was immediately ambushed by his teammates, who were dying to grab some juicy piece of gossip from the young man.

"Come on, spill it. How do you know her, McGoo?"

"I've told you already. We've met in high school. She was a senior when I moved into that area."

"Strange twist of fate that brought her in your life again. Did you have any idea that she was the widow of the lieutenant?" Kate wondered out loud, her gaze firmly set on the squirming geek.

"No." He said in a low voice. He frowned and glared at both of them. "I haven't seen her in ten years. It's a world away. She moved to the other side of the country and I've never even thought of her."

"But you must have left a very strong impression on her. If looks could kill, you would have keeled over right where you're standing McGoo. That girl hates your guts." Tony said, enjoying the discomfort on McGee's face.

"I know. We weren't exactly friends when she left. But still, I'm sorry for her loss. I mean… she lost so much already…" McGee's face became clouded and he shut his mouth, afraid of revealing too much.

His slip of tongue wasn't missed by his fellow colleagues.

"And how do you know that?" Kate asked, seeing him squirm even harder on his seat.

"I was under the impression you were just acquaintances."

"Ohh…Oh… I… I mean… look at this… she was engaged to be married. She had plans and dreams and it is all gone and… nobody should go through that again."

At that moment Ducky arrived at the bullpen, closely followed by Jimmy. Both were discussing the results of the preliminary exams.

"Hey, Duckman." Tony called out, bringing both men's attention towards their little Spanish inquisition.

Ducky acknowledged each agent at the same time he argued with Jimmy. "The toxicology came clean. There's nothing there but acetylsalicylic acid in his bloodstream."

"He was poisoned with acid?" Tony asked, receiving startled looks from both doctors.

Jimmy was the first to clear Tony's mistake. "Acetylsalicylic acid is the clinical name for normal aspirin. He was battling a bad case of flu."

"Any chance they were gone bad or he was poisoned through them?" Kate asked, just to shot down by Ducky.

"No signs of any poison which might cause such reaction. Even those who would disappear after a short period of time in the system would have to be introduced in the system by some kind of agent, but nothing could be found so far."

"There must be something there. We have to get to the heart of this and figure out why he died. It's not fair that she goes through this again."

"And there it goes again." Tony pointed to McGee. "This is the second time you allude to something that happened to her in the past. McGee looked visibly ill at his slip of tongue. "What are you not telling us, McGuilty? What are you hiding from us?"

"Ah… nothing. I just think he had a big heart to … decide to marry her… who I know is not the most delicate flower you're ever going to meet yet still… she doesn't deserve that."

Ducky perked up at McGee, looking at him with shining eyes.

"What did you say, young man?"

McGee gulped, finally noticing that he had Ducky's total attention turned to him. "Oh… that nobody should go through that again."

"No, you've said something after that." Ducky waived his hand in the air, his gaze lost somewhere in his mind as he reviewed possible diagnosis and symptoms.

"I just said that she deserves a second chance of happiness and she found someone with a big heart to…"

Whatever he was saying was lost as Ducky startled everyone as he exclaimed. "A big heart. Good Lord, how did I miss it?" He turned to Jimmy, who was looking at the older medical examiner with startled eyes. "Mr. Palmer, hurry, we need to reexamine the internal organs. I can't believe I didn't make the connection."

Both doctors rushed out of the bullpen, leaving the three agents staring at their retreating backs with huge question marks on their foreheads, completely baffled with what could possibly have happened to result in such rushed exit.

"Was it something I've said?" McGee asked, receiving only confused shrugs from both his colleagues and teammates.


	7. Unveiling the past

_**Chapter 7: Unveiling the past**_

Meanwhile, Gibbs sat down in front of the blonde woman, who was carefully ripping apart a small card in tiny pieces in front of herself. He amusedly recognized his own card, now reduced to shreds.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

She refused to lift her gaze from the paper in her hands, but sniffed a tiny sob before answering.

"I bet you've said that to a lot of people."

"Unfortunately, yes."

"How… did Bill die?"

Gibbs used his most soothing tone but she still folded into sobbing and tears as he said it. "He … crashed his car. We are still investigating it but apparently he was already dead by the time he hit the tree."

"What?"

"Tell me, Ms. Mills, did Lieutenant Trent ever complain of chest pain, headaches, shortness of breath?"

"Sometimes. But nothing out of ordinary. He was on top form and he was an athlete at heart. I don't know why you're asking me this. Bill was in perfect health. When I spoke to him, just yesterday, he told me he has… had… been training for a triathlon next month."

"Did he have any enemies?"

"I… I… don't know. He never told me anything about his job."

At that moment, Ducky entered the room, gesturing to Gibbs for a moment so they could talk. Both men left her in a corner of the conference room chatting in low tones, Ducky opened a folder in his hand and showed something in it that made the older man's brow frown, his intent gaze moving later to the young lady who by now had finished Gibbs' card and was systematically tearing apart McGee's card now.

Gibbs nodded and Ducky went around the desk to sit at the table, so both men flanked the young woman from both sides.

"What's happening?"

"Ms. Mills. My name is Dr. Donald Mallard, I'm the medical examiner here in NCIS."

"Oh…"

"I'm sorry for your loss, but I have some questions that I need you to answer."

"Wasn't that what I have been doing since I've arrived here? Giving you answers? What about you start answering me for a change? What the hell happened to Bill?" At the end, her voice was already a shrill scream ripping the room, so Ducky tried to placate her in soft tones he usually reserved for deranged people.

"I'm sorry you see this as a waste of time, but we have to ascertain that we have all the pieces of the puzzle before giving you the right answer, Ms. Mills. Could you please help us?"

She calmed a little, sitting down again and looking from one man to the other before resting her gaze again at the table, her hands still ripping apart the small piece of paper.

"I've checked your fiancé's medical history and he complained about palpitations last year."

"Yeah… after running a marathon with his pals. But the doctors said it was nothing."

"And there is a history of shortness of breath, even at rest."

"He was under a lot of stress. He was an important officer, with a lot of responsibilities. He … sometimes had … no escape valve for all this pressure."

Ducky nodded lightly, sending a grim glance towards Gibbs before opening the folder before him.

"I'm afraid to say that the earlier medical assessment was incorrect." She looked confused at Ducky, who continued. "Your fiancé had a very rare disease. He probably had no idea he had it and whenever he went to the doctor, he was misdiagnosed. As the evidence shows, he had no chance."

"What are you talking about?" Her voice was barely a whisper, her gaze jumping from one man to the other, finding only compassion and pity on them.

Ducky gestured to Gibbs, who leaned towards the young lady and asked in a kind voice. "Has Lieutenant Trent ever complained of lightheadness or complete blackouts?"

"No. He didn't. That's absurd. He was an athlete back at school. A jock while in University. He joined the Marines as way to keep his physic in top form. Why are you asking me that?"

Ducky took his glasses off and started to slowly polish them, a defense mechanism he had when he did not wish to see the pain in the eyes of the person he was speaking to.

"Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy." She kept looking at him blankly, so Ducky continued. "This is a disease in which the heart muscle becomes abnormally thick, making it harder for the heart to pump blood. The muscles grow, literally strangling the veins and arteries that supply blood to it. There is irregularity in the heart beat, insufficient oxygen supply and fall in blood pressure. While usually not fatal in most people if early diagnosed, it is still the most common cause of heart-related sudden death in people under 30. And it's virtually undetectable during life unless it has been specifically screened for during an echocardiogram. He had no chance."

She was looking at them shell shocked, not willing to believe them.

"So… there was nothing the doctors could do. No medicines, no pills, no…"

She kept listing a series of medical alternatives, but Ducky simply shook his head showing his own helplessness before this case.

"The sudden heart attack is the onset of the symptom. There are usually no warnings before HCM makes itself know and the few symptoms are easily misdiagnosed with several harmless conditions, none of them fatal … when it strikes a man, it's usually deadly."

Ms. Mills stared blankly ahead, her head trying to wrap itself around the facts just exposed to her.

"God must hate me…"

"No, he doesn't. And you shouldn't think like that. You're young and…"

Ducky's attempt to console her backfired as she stood up abruptly, her chair snapping and flying away, her gaze burning at them as she became a fury to be reckoned, her pain fueling her anger.

"Stop playing with me! I've heard all these platitudes once and I'm not willing to hear such lies again."

Gibbs decided to interfere. "Ma'am, please sit down."

But she wasn't finished yet.

"I'm tired. I'm tired of being stolen of my loved ones. I hate him! I hate him! How can he go on as if nothing had happened while I try to move on and MY FUCKING FIANCE DIES! HOW DARE HIM!"

Ducky stood up, looking nervously from her to Gibbs. "Ma'am, please calm down!"

Her outburst spiked Gibbs' curiosity. "What are you talking about?

"Ah…" the smile on her face was more like a grimace, marring her features turning her in just a shadow of the woman she was when she entered the room. "I bet little Timmy didn't tell you, did he?"

And she started telling her tale, making both Gibbs and Ducky silent for a while as she spilled her venom resultant of a festering wound for years and years hidden from the naked eye.

NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS

Gibbs walked to the door with Ducky, asking for a moment with his friend at the corridor before going back to check the story he had just heard. He sighed deeply as he looked down the corridor, eager to run as far away as possible from that bitter woman.

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you expect me to do? I've gotta talk to the kid. I've gotta… Jesus, Ducky, that wasn't in his file."

"It was probably expunged by court. He was minor, so was she. His father was a higher up in the Navy, he would have ways of wiping this under the rug."

"The kid never told me. Why didn't he come to me?"

"Why should he?"

"Ducky, my team knows …"

"Your team knows that they can reach out to you in their time of need. He doesn't. He doesn't feel like he's part of the team yet. He probably has learnt since early age to fend for himself, so when things got tough he did the best he could in the circumstances – which were all against him – and yet he failed. Nobody likes to be remembered of his own failures."

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't." Gibbs looked up at Ducky, seeing the concerned gaze in the older man's face. "Sometimes words don't suffice. Just be there for him. If she's still like this, after all these years, I can't even imagine the amount of pain and guilt that boy carries around without any of us knowing."

Gibbs walked back to the bullpen, leaving Ducky to handle the distraught woman. Once he arrived at his desk, he looked curiously around, noticing one glaring absence while the other team members were dutifully typing their reports.

"Where's McGee?"

"He left. Said he had a dentist appointment." Kate said distractedly.

Tony hooked a pencil between his nose and his upper lip, looking like a demented as he narrowed his eyes and gazed vacantly towards Gibbs.

"Funny thing is that his appointment was last week, so either we've entered in a time travel machine, or…"

"He lied." Gibbs growled as he opened his desk, grabbed his gun and badge and started marching towards the elevator. Both Kate and Tony stood up to follow him, but he gestured that they should stay.

"But Boss…?" Tony looked surprised at Gibbs, hearing an unnatural tone in his Boss' tone.

"Man the phones, wait for my call."

"But how do you know where did he go?" Kate froze, her hands hovering over her desk, eager to follow him.

"I simply know, Kate."

He entered the elevator and sighed, his fingers sliding softly over a small flask in his pocket, a beloved gift from a never forgotten past.

"I simply know."

The doors closed.


	8. Pain

_**Chapter 7: Pain**_

It wasn't hard to find him.

Gibbs simply guessed that McGee would do the exact same thing he would do in the same situation.  
Following his instincts and after a very careful reading of McGee's file, it wasn't difficult to find him in that small cemetery in the outskirts of Norfolk. There weren't many low income cemeteries specialized in infants and after a brisk phone call to the local maternity he was instructed in how to get there.

He rolled the facts in his mind during the three hour drive to Norfolk, measuring the words that needed to be said, before finally parking the car and, after a brief talk with the caretaker, braved the snow covered lanes towards the lone man standing by a white washed stone slab.

Gibbs had no idea what to say, so after a few failed attempts, he shut up and stood silently beside McGee, who was absolutely pale and distraught under the faint light escaping through the cloudy skies.

They've stayed like that, silently in vigil, for almost fifteen minutes; only the wind rustled the bare branches of the trees which marked the end wall of the cemetery.

"You know… my dad told me it was for the best." McGee muttered, his gaze lost somewhere in the past.

Gibbs turned to him, his eyebrows going up but unwilling to stop the confession time, he wisely kept silent. Seeing the curious look, McGee continued.

"He said I wasn't cut to be a father." At that, the first crack in McGee's stony face appeared, as a tear escaped his iron grip in his emotions. "That I … had been stupid and that I was paying the price for my stupidity."

"McGee -"

"I was terrified. I wasn't prepared for… the responsibility … or the late night feedings or the diaper changing… but I loved him." At that, McGee sobbed, raising a hand to angrily wipe his face. "I loved him. He was my son. My flesh and blood and…"

"Tim, it's okay to love him. And it's perfectly fine to miss him."

"I should have done something. I should have checked on him earlier or moved him or…"

"There was nothing you could. Cribs deaths happen and you're not to blame. It's nobody's fault."

"That's not what Chris told you, right?" Gibbs' face became harder, so McGee pressed on. "Oh, I've heard it all before. How I was irresponsible to get her pregnant when we were fourteen; how I could barely keep a job to support her and our kid; how her father hated me; how my father cursed at me; how they all were so relieved when my… _my son_… my baby boy died merely six months after being born so everybody could go back to their own _perfect_ lives with their own _perfect_ plans!" by then, McGee was shouting at Gibbs' face, but he was too far gone in his pain to realize he was shouting at his boss.

"My father actually cheered when I came back home with my tail between my legs. He told me _'It's for the best, son. Now go back to your room and books and get your ass in line. No more dating and sleeping around cheerleaders not meant to you_.' I had just buried my kid and he asked me about my SAT scores. As if I could think about them!"

"But you did anyway."

"What?"

"Your SAT scores. You've studied for it. Came back to school, went to MIT then John Hopkins. Made a life for yourself."

"I… had nothing else to do. And I was already interested in computers, so I hid myself in them. As long as I was programming, I wasn't thinking. If I wasn't thinking, I wasn't missing him." McGee lowered his head and gazed back to the white stone. "Chris graduated a year later. She had … a bad bout of depression and had to take meds and have therapy. By the time she came back to school I was already graduating. She went to California, as far as possible from me and the baby. She never looked at my face again." He sniffed loudly, a hand going up to clear up the snot and tears gathered on his face. "And… maybe… it's for the best. She had never wanted the child anyway."


	9. Memories

**_Chapter 9: Memories_**

McGee sniffed and shook his head, his teary gaze settling down on the stone slab which marked the resting place of his baby boy, who didn't survive his first year. Despite the situation of his conception and the opposition of their parents on both sides, the teenagers decided to keep the baby and Timothy had moved over to a small garage converted into a room in the young Christine's household. He was willing to do his part in raising his child so in that same summer he found a job to help out with the expenses. Despite Christine's wailing about how fat and big and ugly she was becoming thanks to this child, he was getting more and more into the role of a father. He collected baseball cards to show the baby, bought a tiny baseball cap and matching clothes and despite the difficulties, he wanted to share his whole life with the baby.

He cried when he held his son for the first time in his arms; counted the fingers in his hands and the wiggling toes in his feet; became a pro in changing diapers and insisted to be taught how to wrap the baby like a burrito by the kind nurse in attendance in the hospital.

He was in the zone when Cris and the baby came back from the hospital. Between school, his part-time job, late night feedings and constant diaper changes, he was feeling more like a survivor of a Zombie Apocalypse than normal teenager. But he convinced himself that it would get better, the baby would sleep the whole night soon and things would change.

The baby became less colicky, the feedings came with more hours in between and the baby actually slept for longer hours.

Until that fatidic day in which he didn't wake up.

Timothy could still remember the strange emotion of waking up in the morning and be startled with the notion that the baby did not wake up in the middle of the night. He poked Chris who mumbled in her sleep and turned to the other side, hugging her pillow tightly against her chest and going back to sleep.

The silence in the house was deafening. He stood up and left the bedroom, concern marring his young features as he approached the improvised nursery. He bit his lower lip as he walked towards the crib, the hanging pendants softly spinning in the air. He finally stood beside the sleeping infant, surrounded by plush teddies and in his navy pjs, its tiny fingers firmly holding the edge of the blanket as it lay supine on the sheets.

And Tim's heart skipped a beat when he noticed that the baby wasn't breathing.


	10. Atonement

**_Chapter 10: Atonement_**

"Your father was wrong." Gibbs' muttered, stomping his feet on the ground trying to get the blood going to his extremities.

Gibbs waited until McGee looked at him with teary green eyes before completing. "You would have been a great father."

"How do you know that?"

"Because… " Gibbs took a step closer to McGee, finally resting a heavy hand on the younger man, forcing him to keep looking at him despite the tears and despair. "… that's who you are. You're a great man, moving towards becoming even greater. You genuinely care about the people you meet, your friends and coworkers... And you would teach that to your son with respect and care. I know… that you would have been… a great father." Gibbs enunciated each world of the last sentence with great care, trying to impress his point of view in the suffering lad in front of him.

It was like a dam was broken, finally letting all the pain finally run free. McGee's shoulders hunched even more than before, his face crunched as tears became unstoppable, releasing eleven years of pain, guilt and despair which run free and emptying the festering boils of grief in his soul, letting him empty and shaking, yet for the first time in many years strangely free of the burden he had been carrying for so long on his own.

The waterworks were painful to see, but Gibbs knew they were necessary in order to allow McGee to be fully functional again, so he was man enough to silently support him during his time of need, either with a strong grasp on his shoulder or, when McGee's emotional burden became too much, to catch him in his arms as the younger man's legs failed him and he fell kneeling on the snow covered ground, wailing at the pain which had never really had been acknowledged or mentioned before.

They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, days, who cares. Gibbs held him firmly, squeezing lightly his shoulder when needed, observing the wailing slowly become sobs, then the sobs become hiccups and finally slowed down into tears, slowly dripping onto the white snow below them.

Silence permeated the air, the incoming evening stealing the feeble light and making the environment of the cemetery even more sad and gray.

"Feeling better?" Gibbs asked as he noticed McGee finally acknowledging him again with clear eyes, as the well of tears had finally dried.

"Yeah."

"Let's go home, Tim." Gibbs reluctantly released his grasp on McGee's shoulder, standing up and supporting him by his elbows, bringing him to his own feet with care, noticing the empty shocked gaze in his younger agent.

Gibbs checked that McGee could stand on his own, letting him go for a minute so he can silently and reverently touch the tombstone of his dead child, muttering a silent prayer before turning his back and following Gibbs down the lane towards the exit.

They walked in silence, not willing to bother each other thoughts and were quite surprised when a young teenager in black jeans and tethered black Sabbath jacket left a lane in their right, coming from her own private goodbye. She looked at them startled with red rimmed gray eyes, dominating a pale face and long black hair with red streaks. She looked at them for a second before glancing back the way she came, then nodded at them briefly before taking the same lane out of the cemetery, without looking back at them or to the tombstone she had just visited.

Faint music started to float in the empty cemetery, making both agents look at each other before taking the lane the girl had left, curious about the origin of the sound.

_You were once_  
_My one companion ..._  
_You were all_  
_That mattered ..._

They approached a fresh grave, surrounded by flower garlands and mementos of a life gone bye. There were offerings of those who knew the deceased: flowers, poetry and paintings and a small walkman connected to an audio system. And from there came the pure strains of a young mourning voice.

_You were once_  
_A friend and father -_  
_Then my world_  
_Was shattered_

They exchanged a look before approaching the stone slab, reading the inscription which dated from the day before.

**_Here rests_**  
**_June 4th 1953 – November 7th 2012_**  
**_CHANNEL DEE_**  
**_Beloved mother, wife and friend_**  
**_You live forever in the music of your children_**

_Wishing you were_  
_Somehow here again_  
_Wishing you were_  
_Somehow near_  
_Sometimes it seemed_  
_If I just dreamed,_  
_Somehow you would_  
_Be here_

As the chords and melody of the song involved them, they observed the silent memorial to another life lost, silently remembered by those who had loved her.

"She was loved," McGee muttered, the lyrics of the song touching in his soul and slowly acting like a balm over his wounded soul. He blinked lightly as he closed his eyes and finally letting the music flow around him.

_Wishing I could_  
_Hear your voice again_  
_Knowing that I Never would_  
_Dreaming of you_  
_Won't help me to do_  
_All that you dreamed_  
_I could_

They left the fresh grave and went back to the lane, walking towards their cars parked in the main access road. There were no words exchanged, as the song expressed exactly their thoughts as the snow crunched beneath their shoes and they walked between the tombs and sculpted angels.

_Passing bells_  
_And sculpted angels,_  
_Cold and monumental,_  
_Seem, for you,_  
_The wrong companions_  
_You were warm and gentle_  
_Too many years_  
_Fighting back tears_  
_Why can't the past_  
_Just die?_

As they approached the car, Gibbs stopped as he noticed the shadows of people standing beside their cars. He frowned a little as he recognized Tony, Kate and Abby resting against his car, talking softly between them.

McGee froze as he noticed the team just a few yards away, uncertain of what to say or do as his little secret was exposed to his team.

_Wishing you were_  
_Somehow here again_  
_Knowing we must_  
_Say goodbye_  
_Try to forgive!_  
_Teach me to live!_  
_Give me the strength_  
_To try!_

Surprisingly it was Kate who took the lead, approaching them with slow steps until she was standing before McGee who was sniffing softly. Her gaze was filled with compassion as she took another step and hugged him, trying to transmit in a gesture what couldn't be said in words.  
Slowly Abby and Tony approached them and also hugged McGee, trying to console him and be there for him in a way no one had tried before.

After a few whispered heartfelt condolences, they ushered McGee to the car, being silently followed by Gibbs who was smiling proudly at his 'kids' banding together around their friend in pain to sooth and heal him.

McGee sniffed loudly and tried to wipe his nose, being promptly given a hankie embroidered with tiny batman signs by Abby. He giggled lightly, bringing a small smile to Gibbs' face as he saw how he interacted with his colleagues.

He would heal. It would take time, but he wasn't broken, just bended.

_No more memories,_  
_No more silent tears!_

They filed into the cars, eager to go somewhere warm for coffee and to talk, really talk about the past, figure out the present and plan the future.

_No more gazing across_  
_The wasted years!_

McGee stopped before entering the car, gazing towards the lane where the body of his baby boy rested forever.

_Help me say_  
_Goodbye._

"Good bye, Brian. Daddy loves you."

_Help me say_  
_Goodbye._

* * *

_a/n: This story is dedicated to ChannelD, one of the Administrators of the NCIS Fanfiction Addiction Forum who passed away November 7th last year. She was also a fellow writer and dedicated mother and friend. May she live forever in the words written by her hands lost in the www.  
_

_You will be missed.  
_

_K._


End file.
